Purposeful direction that's asking for wisdom-filled discernment

So after Sunday night, I have more purpose in what I am praying for in the months to come (if you don't know what I'm talking about, read my other blog.) And not necessarily more purpose, but directed purpose. Of course, I'm not positive that I will be going into full-time missions one day...I hope, but all I can really do is give it to the Lord and allow Him to direct my paths.

What I do know is that there is a reason why I didn't feel led to go on with the Wilmington Plan and pursue writing. Before Sunday night I had almost pushed the idea of missions into the ground, and I had started thinking about stuff I could possibly do as a job in the good ol' US of A. But I couldn't think of anything. I've always loved writing...but I just never felt completely good...or when I did, it was just kinda like okay, so now what? (That sentence made little to no sense but oh well.) Teaching...ehh, if I can't explain myself to two people, how am I going to do it with a group of 20 little kids (I would ONLY ever do little kids :D)? So that was a no. I've never felt like pursuing anything...there was time when I was obsessed with photography and I would take pictures of everything...ever since I was in elementary school...and I loved traveling and animals...so I wanted to travel around the world and take pictures of animals...haha, great dream job, right? :D but then, I realized I've grown to think animals smell and I still love taking pictures but I'll leave it for the professionals as a career. Then there was my grandma who always wanting me to follow in her footsteps and be a nurse, but the sight of blood makes me sick and I hate even the SLIGHTEST talk of broken anything or anything in the body being out of place. So that was a flat out no. All that was left were my passions...for travel and my heart for other cultures and the people of those cultures.

Over this year, I must go on a mission trip, and I plan on doing just that. I want to go to Thailand, I crave it. The thirst is running through my veins...the thirst for another country, more so then even Thailand. I'm just directing that thirst towards Thailand because that's where I have always felt. And of course, I feel compassion for Africa...so much compassion...but Thailand...I don't know...there must be some reason why God placed that in my little 12 year old (12, right? idk, ATF with Grits... :P) heart. If that's where God provides, and money willing (I hate money, I really do.) that's where I'll go next summer.

So that's what I mean by purposefully directed. I want to learn my face off and absorb and be a sponge and discern if that is the path I am supposed to go down...and if college is right for me (I pray my dad never reads this...he'll have a heart attack) which it probably is, but exactly what college and for what (If I'm not supposed to major in Writing I would still like to minor in it). I'm getting excited, though more and more nervous!


Update Wise:

• I am having a Car Wash on Saturday, August 1 at Lowes Food
• Spaghetti Dinner on Friday, August 7 at New Beginnings Church on 42 right before Rainbow Lanes. It is $5 a plate and tickets must be pre-ordered so we'll know how much to make. I'd really appreciate it if you can come out or spread the word!
• I am still roughly at the same amount of money that I was a couple weeks ago, which scares my dad. But God provides.
• I'm going to call the Honor Academy when I get off of here to ask them more in dept on how much they raised coming into it and how easy/hard it is to raise money on the weekends once you're down there. I need to step it up more. Thank you all soooo much for all the support (though I don't really know who reads this, haha, if any really know about it.). :
• And hey! I just found out Bethany Dillon lives in Dallas! Ha! Maybe I'll meet her! :P

But that is all from me on my end. Reading Daniel currently...pretty sweet! :)

An e-mail from somone who has been through the HA

Hi Amanda,
Alicia Moore sent me your email address sharing that you were considering the Honor Academy sometime in the near future. I went in 2000 and my brother went in 2001. We both really grew in our walk with the Lord while there. I really fought going and was not excited about it (although I am usually like that about things I know are God speaking but I don’t want to do J). I finally conceded to the Lord and went in August. I knew that a lot of interns were placed in the call center to talk to people about going to Acquire the Fire or Missions trips and the thought of calling people scared me! But when I got there, God was gracious and placed me in a job I really enjoyed helping teenagers get their visas/passports together for the trips.
So, the year will be filled with all kinds of challenges. You will share a room with probably 5 other girls and be a part of a CORE (about 12-18 girls with a mentor) and will share a lot and have TONS of fun together… but will share conflicts too! Since you have limited living space, its easy to get on each other’s nerves. However, you will also really bond together (pray for that) and my CORE and I still keep in touch with each other’s lives to this day.
They will find a job placement for you (they look at your likes/dislikes/skills, ect) and you will work within the ministry… which I really enjoyed a lot.
You will also have required classes to attend on leadership, values, character, and all kinds of things. The y have guests come in from all over the world.
You will be challenged physically… everyone is required to physically exercise throughout the week… and they will set some boundaries/rules that are a bit difficult to follow at times (in rooms at certain hours, no dating relationships, no tv, ect).
If you are looking for the experience to “change” you into a magically godly Christian… it won’t. You will only see as much change as you allow the Lord to work in your life both before you go, while there, and after you get out. But, God REALLY used the program to build character in me and taught me a lot. He also really made it more clear His purpose and destiny for my life.
If you have any specific questions, I would love to share more. Your parents can also write me and I will answer to the best of my ability.

I pray you will know what God has for you and can rest that if it’s Him, He will work EVERY detail out for you!
Blessings!

then what I said -


Aw, thanks soo much! :) I have decided on going to the Honor Academy in August. I'ts really crazy to think that I will be sooo far away from home in such a short amount of time...but I'm excited! I think I just got an e-mail from your brother today (funny, because this is the first day in forever that i've checked my e-mail!) Another girl from my church is going and so is my cousin! It's soo weird because i was at a connect group with this girl from my church and i was sharing with everyone another door that was opening in my life and I shared about the Honor Academy . She flipped out because just that weekend she had gone to an Aquire the Fire and was really interested in it. It was just so cool to see God work in even that. Then my cousin was interested after i talked about it...and she was in a place where she just wasn't sure about her future..and so she decided to do it!

How much running is there? lol...I'm starting to run now so I'm not in horrible horrible shape when i get there. But I am excited. I know it's going to be extremely out of my comfort zone but my parents always knew i loved to travel...and I'm just so excited about how strategic everything is showing itself to be.

I'm currently trying to raise more money...I'm not really sure why, but Walmart won't let me do any kind of fundraiser because me going to the Honor Academy isn't "helping the community". ah, but that's okay. God is really teaching me through this proccess that He always provides...it's really growing my faith.

But yeah, I'd love to hear more about the Honor Academy ! And I think it's really cool how you ended that with "working EVERY detail out" :)

then what she wrote back

Glad to hear back from you and glad that the Lord has given you desire and excitement in going…
About running… you start by running a mile each morning.. at like 5:30 ( I think… can’t remember exact time J) with everyone. They eventually add more to make it 2 miles. I’m not sure if they still go to Pike’s Peak in September, but if so, they like to help get your body more ready to climb. After the Peak climb, then we still had to exercise 4x a week for at least 20 minutes and it could be either running, fast walking, or something similar. Since I hate running, I chose the walking J but I learned that running wasn’t as hard as I had thought.
I remember the money thing was difficult.. but God was so faithful. They allowed us to pay a good portion upfront and then pay as we went along. The sad thing however, was that some people really had to struggle during their year to get up the money (like on their breaks) and some couldn’t complete their year because of finances. So, I pray that you won’t have to do that. When I went to Africa 2 years ago, I asked the Lord to please provide every dime before I went and that I wouldn’t have to empty my savings to go and he did (I had to quit my job) but he provided more than I needed and when I came back I had almost the same money in the bank as when I left and the Lord gave me back my job when I returned. So, don’t be afraid to ask the Lord to provide in certain ways… He will do it in His timing and in a way that will most likely stretch your faith, but he is also attentive to our petitions.
So, let’s see what else I can think of… depending on what department they place you in…there will be certain times that will be HIGH stress times… especially in the summer if you work in Missions or at the time near the ATF you are calling others about. One thing I really encourage you is DON”T stop getting alone with Jesus in those times… the ministry has a lot of really cool land in the back that you can go to be alone and pray. It is easy to get really busy “serving Jesus” there, but don’t let that distract you from completely focusing on Him.
One of the hardest things can be the ban on guy/girl dating relationships… it is easy at first, but especially as you begin to work close with guys, it is easy to develop feelings. So, I just encourage you to really guard your heart… have tons of fun, but don’t place yourself in situations where it would be easy to develop more feelings. I knew too many people who were sent home on account of this and it was always very sad.
Another thing is it is easy to try and build friendships with those outside your CORE (small group you live with), but I would encourage you to spend as much time getting to know them and building Godly friendships with them…. They will be there for you in the tough times and will most likely be the ones you keep up with later.
Well, I hope that helps a bit more. Have a wonderful day!

Update numero dos

So, it is July and I have about 44 days before I am in the state of Texas for the first time. Woah, buddy. I'm extremely excited and yet overwhelmingly nervous. It's so crazy how time is going by. Sometimes I want to freeze it and just pause for a moment to enjoy where I am right now. God is teaching me to live in the moments and not to waste my days away thinking and worrying and processing about the future, but to just do and live.

Sarah, my HA director, called me today. She said I have $2440 in my account as of now. That is not counting the money I have received from graduation, but I think I'm going to use most of that for my personal expenses through out the year. They said you should have between $50-$100 per month for personal expenses.

Currently I have done a yard sale and sent out letters to get to my goal. Future plans: I am going to have a Premier Jewelry Party on July 9th so I'm stoked about that. A spaghetti dinner is underway which I am equally stoked about. I have been trying to get a car wash going at either Walmart or Lowes. Walmart shut it's door on me today saying that they don't do those for individuals and that I'm not helping the community. psh! haha. I keep playing one-sided phone tag with the guy from Lowes Food. haha, one-sided meaning I keep trying to call him and he is never there. :P BUT the store told me he was going to be there tomorrow morning so I'm going to head over there in the AM to see what's up. If not, I will go to Eckerd or Walgreens or Clayton High School if necessary! haha.

But in all that, God is teaching me to be more faithful to Him. I checked my e-mail for the first time in forever today and found two e-mails from those that have been through the Honor Academy that live in Raleigh! They got my name from Alicia Moore who I had been talking to about it. It was extremely encouraging and real. A little while after I got off the phone with Walmart with the bad news, Sarah, my HA director, called and was encouraging. I asked her how much I had and she told me and it was enough to get in, in August. It was just like God was saying, "Hey, I'm going to supply all of your needs. I have you."

I've been thinking about Proverbs 16:3 a lot. Sometimes I have doubts that I made the right choice...and I don't think that's a bad thing exactly because in the back of my mind I know this is right. But I don't think it's the Only right thing. I believe that God would have blessed it either way. I believe that unless I had totally turned my back on God I would stay in His will. Though I do believe God led me down this path..through those little acts of obediance like looking on the computer for Sarah and falling in love with it. That's why I'm glad I made this choice. It feels completely thrilling trusting in God to fill my needs like this.

I know that this step is going to be an extreme growing experience. I know that it won't be a "magical" growing experience however. It's not just going to magically transform into something amazing...it's going to be tough. And it's going to be life: a life waking up at 5:00 in the morning on work-out days to run, a life with 5 other girls who I have to get along with and share things with, a life away from my home, a life away from everyone that I've known for so long and who I care about. It's going to be tough but it's going to be amazing. Because God is orchestrating it. Thank You.

I am making a commitment to discipline myself. I am going to limit the time I spend on the computer...I know, silly that I have to do that, but I really am not that disciplined. I am going to start running so I can start getting in shape and not completely DIE when I get to Texas (the pain I felt after running in the mornings at the beach was a preview of how I'm going to feel if I don't start shaping up). I'm going to work on having more of a Servant's heart towards my family especially. I don't show how thankful I am for them near enough.

I'm asking that you keep me accountable about this. :) I need it. aha.

Thank you all for all of your prayer and support! Yall are awesome! :)