It’s hard to believe that it is nearing Christmas time! The time has gone by so fast at the Honor Academy, and yet it feels that I’ve been here for years! I want you all to know how much I’m learning here and how much I’m growing in Christ! I feel that He is shaping me more and more into His likeness. I, of course, am not close to His likeness, but I’m learning how to hear His voice more and how to use wisdom in all situations.
When I first came here, I felt God was bringing me through a stage where He had to get rid of the impurities I had inside myself before anything else. I feel that he started with pride. I learned to be still, and if necessary, start over from scratch. People didn’t know me here and I felt that who I always thought I was, wasn’t coming out. But I realized that sometimes it’s necessary to start over from scratch, to deny yourself what you think you should be to others, and just be a teachable vessel.
Since then, God has been taking me through so many more stages. Through ESOAL I learned how to rely on Him through everything, no matter the obstacle. He taught me that I am strong in Him and that perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. From that, He began to teach me who I am in Him. It’s an unveiling that I marvel in. Stemming from that, He’s teaching me how much He loves me! It’s unimaginable the love He has for us!
These truths seem so simple, but they stem into beautiful, deep, intricate flowers. Through the classes, my ministry placement, and time with my family core, I am learning so much! You really must journal while here because lessons can be gone in an instant. I work in my ministry placement 31 hours a week. We interns (something I didn’t realize until I got here) literally run Teen Mania Ministries! Talk about exciting! I personally call youth pastors, leaders, and adults that want to become Team Leaders on our mission trips. It can be challenging at times, but I love being stretched as I pour into adults and battle objections that come my way (ha, I'm learning).
We go through events that are called Life Transforming Events. We have had three so far: ESOAL, The Fasting LTE, and Men and Women’s LTE. The Fasting LTE was amazing as we took three days to fast and focus on God. We couldn’t speak for two of them which was a great experience. It was so great seeing everyone be still and hearing silence. God spoke to me about who He is and also about my future with him. I don’t know detail for detail, but I know what it will entail. Let’s just leave it at that ;) The Men’s and Women’s LTE was also a really great experience. We girls had a guest speaker, Tammy Maltby, come and share on hospitality and other girl stuff. :) At first, I was like, “yuck, hospitality?!” But she really brought it from a different angle, one that starts from the heart and speaks through the heart. It was a pretty refreshing weekend. We got to hear from a panel of older women and ask them questions. I always love those because these women have been through so many trials and joys of life. On Friday night we took part in what’s called, “Damsils in Distress”. The HA hasn’t done it since 06ish so we were the first to experience it in a while. It was a neat experience, for sure. What happened was, we were put on buses (there were different shifts) and taken out to the Back Forty. We had to wear goggles and go behind these giant barrels of hay. They told us the more we acted in character, the better it would be for the guys. The set up for the guys was that their sister core(s) were being held hostage (by the Graduate Interns) and they had to rescue us without getting shot (paintball guns) or seen by them. I absolutely loved getting into character, of course. :D I love screaming so it was really fun to act petrified and scream for our brother core. You could tell that some of the guys weren’t really into it when they first started searching for the girls. But then as they started actually coming for us and we started running towards “safety” they (and us) really started getting into it. Haha, let’s just say that my “screams” started to turn into real screams when paintball guns started firing. :D It was really neat to see the guys be the leaders and it was humbling to let them. I got saved! Woo! Haha. Before we were called out, we were all hanging out in the auditorium waiting to be called out. It was really fun just being with all the girls. We sock-wrestled :D and had mini dance parties with our cores. The weekend officially ended when we watched UP with the guys in the auditorium, but it truly ended for us that night. There was a banquet for all the girls. We all dressed up and ate lasagna. It was really great because James Dean (secular music is allowed on special occasions ;)) and some other Italian singers played in the background. We danced and it was fun. I love being a girl! :)
I’m in the Student Council of the Honor Academy called, “Terra Nova”. We are supposed to be the thermostat of the campus and really set the pace. The sub-committee I’m in is the Truth and Wisdom committee. The other two are Prayer Committee and Fundraisers/Outreach Committee. I really felt God was calling me to the Truth and Wisdom committee because of my thirst and desire for it. Yall know me, I can’t sit still if I feel like it’s not being brought and I itch for more of it. :D So anyways… We’re digging into different pastors and beliefs and it’s stirring up something huge inside of me. I’m praying through and waiting for God to give me direction. I’m just learning so much about what the TRUE Gospel is & the different ways it's being told. I'm just learning to not take everything I hear for point value, but to really test it. I really am learning HOW to think, not what to think. I'm learning I'm a little more conservative in my views than I thought. Anyway, all that is for another post.
I really do feel bad for not updating as much as I would like. I’m still learning the fine art of prioritizing. We actually had a Leadership Seminar yesterday by a guy named Tim Elmore who wrote the Habitudes series we go through here. It really taught me a lot about leadership, leadership with others, and managing your time. I’m working on maintaining that discipline…doing the big things first, then filtering out the medium and smaller. (think about a jar and putting rocks in it – large, med, small. If you put them in all randomly they won’t fit, but if you put them in big first, then med, then small they’ll actually all fit! And have more room – that’s how it is with your time.)
So, needless to say, I’ve been learning a whole TON of stuff! I still can’t believe where God has taken me since arriving here until now. I feel like my true self was exposed and I went from there. It was a great thing. Financially, I’m in need. I’m okay for now, but the effects of money being taken out are beginning to hit. I have about $4000 in my account. That’s a little more then halfway over! I’ll need about $1600 by the time I get back to the Honor Academy from break to be COMPLETELY up to date. But I can be $700 in the negative, thankfully.
God is faithful, I know this. I know what the world is saying and I know how crazy everything can be. But I think of God and I sink to my knees in awe. There is just so many miracles that have taken place here for so many different people. It blows me away. I also have another crazy dream in mind. I have been praying over where I am supposed to go on a mission trip this summer. I’ve always wanted Thailand but I wanted to be extremely careful about if it was just what I wanted or if it was what God wanted. I was racking my brain and my journal about this since the beginning because I wanted to be sure. During the Fasting LTE, I was praying over it. And, all of a sudden this peace fell over me. We were sitting in the auditorium waiting (silently ;D) for a session to start when I just looked around and looked at all my fellow interns. Peace came over me as I realized that we all have such a strategic role to play, gifts and callings God has placed on all of us, to fulfill His will. And that’s when I heard the still small voice. “Amanda, I have placed these gifts and desires in you for a reason. Stop stressing over every little detail. Just go and I’ll lead you.” I have confirmation that I am to go to Thailand. Little words of doubt come from people who mean well, but through double confirmation I know this is where He is calling me to go. The cost of the mission trip is $3,791 and it’s for a month. I know that’s another huge amount, but I know that God will provide. I love this adventure He is taking me on. I have to trust him like CRAZY! He’s saying, “Come beloved, and follow me. I’ll take you on a journey you could never make up or imagine on your own.” Thank you so much more for your prayers and concerns. I keep hearing about how everyone comes up to my mom asking about me and how my little ol’ pst about ESOAL touched people. ALL the Glory to God, He amazes me while He takes me through all of this. I'm just thankful to be able to share it.
I can’t wait to see you all and tell you more stories! I’m excited to come home, and yet it’s going to be so different. I got to talk to Michelle about her time home over Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to talk with her because we’re riding the same flight home for Christmas (hopefully we’ll be near each other). I just LOVE you all soo much! :)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A Life Transforming Event like no other :)
ESOAL. The one thing I had been dreading and freaking out about since I arrived at The Honor Academy. I remember Wednesday at my ministry placement in LD. The day it would start. Anytime after 1:00 they said. My trash bags: one filled with a sleeping bag and extra socks and the other filled with clothes and shower stuff for after it was over were on the football field and at the pavilion. Phone calls were yet to be completed in Leadership Development and every one's anticipation was at it's peak.
I only knew that I was not. I only knew that I was going into it without an inch of myself. I knew that God would be the only one that could get me through it. I was freaking out on the inside. And I know everyone could see it on my face. I got off of work at 8:00pm. We normally have what they call Freedom Services on Wednesday nights in the auditorium at 8:00 so I headed over there right after work. Everyone thought we would have the service then they would call us at midnight and it would start. Sadly, that wasn't the case. :P When we got in there, there was no band. poo. We all sat down in the chairs and a retired Navy Seal came up and started sharing. It was really great but ended far too soon. Then Heath Stoner came up and said that we had 20 minutes to go back to our dorms, change, and meet back at the Anvil. It was go time.
Fast forward. I'm sitting here in LD with 78 ant bites on each leg, feet swollen like a pregnant lady, and all the while feeling totally accomplished in Christ. I'm a different person. ESOAL was hard. ESOAL was mentally breaking. ESOAL taught me to humble myself and taught me the meaning of people lifting you up when you can't. It taught me the power of perseverance. It taught me that when I can't HE CAN. It taught me the power of the mind. It taught me the power of Unity. It taught me the insignificance of my sufferings in comparison to Christ. It taught me to worship when I didn't want to. It taught me how to react when people are screaming in your face that you are weak. It taught me how much strength I had. It taught me that it was ok to cry in front of people. It taught me to lose the fear of man (baha, because we all smelled pretty amazing, let me tell you :P) Most importantly, it taught me the power that Christ HAS given me.
It rained the first couple days of ESOAL pretty much non stop. I learned to hate the rain. (haha, just kidding but seriously.) The first night we had to sleep on the Anvil without a sleeping bag curled up next to each other in the rain. My aunt actually told my cousin and I that she woke up in the middle of the night with our faces in her mind with our helmets in the rain cold (though I didn't see Sarah ever because she was in a different company then me). Very cool. We had about 2.7 inches of rain fall during ESOAL entirely. The rain eventually became routine.
The rain taught me that I could be completely miserable and still persevere. 50% of the ESOAL participants rung out during the first couple days. It was so easy to see friends ring out and start to think, "It won't be that bad if I rung out, I mean so many other people are." Our Major would constantly bribe us with things to ring us out...chocolate chip cookies, a bath at his house, less work. Every single time I would start to think those thoughts I would square up my face, stand at attention, look straight at the person in front of me and take those thoughts captive. I was actually taking thoughts captive! I was like, "Naw, God, this is for You...I can do this through you."
One of the breaking points that I reached was when Major Svtech called me to attention in front of him and told me that 60% of my Company named me as the weakest participant. (Go figure; during Corporate I struggled with 2 miles :P) He asked me if I was used to being that and I said, "Sir yes sir." (btw the only acceptable responses that you could say was, "Sir yes sir" "Sir no sir" Sir I don't understand sir" or "Sir no excuse sir" unless you were given permission to speak freely) He asked me why I wanted to do ESOAL. I said because I wanted to get past the limitations I put on myself. To that he said, "So it's all about you then?" And I said, "Sir no sir." And he said, "So do you care about your company?" And me being the smart one that I am accidentally said, "Sir no sir." So I had to stand in front of everyone and say in the microphone that I didn't care about my company. Then I had to go to every single person and look at them square in the face and eyes and say, "I don't care about you." That broke me. Because in all honesty, I really did care about them but I think God was opening up my eyes to set the pace to say, "Hey this is not all about you. Lean on them yes, but let them lean on you too." That set the pace for me. Oh, and then I had to stand in the back and listen to them chant, "118 (that was my number and you couldn't say any number higher then 10 so it was 1-1-8) please care about me." over and over and over. It was breaking. Though I had one of my brothers, who was our second lieutenant, stand behind me and say, "I believe you care about me" over and over again and that touched me.
You might read that up there and think, man that's cruel, but naw, not really. Not when you think of the world and what it's going to do to you. I'd rather be emotionally broken time and time again then not be ready for what the world may throw at me.
It taught me how to overcome pain and still keep going. One afternoon we had to go out on a trail in the back forty and lay down on it feet to helmet on either side of the road while it was raining. I eventually fell asleep but woke up in excruciating pain. My right let was cramping up really bad because it was shivering. I couldn't walk on it and people had to hold me to go down. Then that night we got some sleep in our sleeping bags in the rain again, but this time I woke up screaming. My leg was in INTENSE pain and I couldn't move it. Hannah, a friend, and another facilitator came around to help me. They helped me up but I couldn't move it at all. It was around 4:30 in the morning (which was cool because later on my mom told me that that night she woke up at about 3:30 and started praying for me on her knees) Praise God! :) and they were starting the fires because we were getting ready to do "Sleep, no sleep" fun. :) That's where you wake up, run to the ice baths, get in for 20 seconds, get out, wait with your platoon, then run to the fire, circle around it, then jump into your sleeping bag and sleep for 15 minutes. Then they wake you up and you have to do it all over again. It was great fun, let me tell you. :D
But all that being said, it taught me to look pain square in the face and say, "No, you are not going to defeat me. I will not ring out and I will not quit. I will see this valley through. I am not going to quit going up this mountain. My God is so much bigger than that." Even after ESOAL I would experience little things that were discouraging and I would stop myself and be like, "Hey, how am I going to respond to this? I mean, I got through ESOAL for goodness sake! Can I not persevere through more?" I'm learning that there is great power in your mindset. 80% of everything you do is from the mind. So if you go into things with the wrong mindset, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Life is like this giant mountain. As we go through life we have to climb. And there are times when it just feels like a breeze and the altitude isn't getting to us in the least bit and it almost feels like a nice stroll. But then there are times when it gets really hard. You begin to grow fatigued and you realize that you hadn't trained well enough or maybe you hadn't stretched enough before starting. Or you lost that stick that you had been using as a crutch and now you are on your own. And it gets hard. But the question is are you going to persevere and keep climbing or are you going to quit or camp? There was a message on this before. But it's becoming more real to me now. There are quitters who just give up. They face some bad things and then they just give up on the mountain, believing they can never do it. Then there are people who are campers, and most of the time the campers don't even realize they are camping. I was like that. They grow complacent. They get used to where they are. They grow used to their Christian walk and don't feel they need to grow more or climb more. Or the climb starts to become more uncomfortable so they say, "Ok, that's enough, break time." Then they build camp. And then there are the Climbers. They, through anything life throws at them, no matter the altitude or steepness of the climb, continue to persevere. They continue to trust in God and lean on Him through it. They take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. They push past the rain and the wind and even when they hurt so bad they scream, they don't give up. I'm learning to be a climber. I can't say I react as a climber in every situation, but I'm learning to be one.
We don't always have to go up the mountain alone either. ESOAL taught me how to lean on other people and how to encourage other people more. I had to learn how to humble myself enough to let people help me. When I got here I had a pride issue. I didn't even realize it at first. But it was there on the inside, when people would not understand where I came from and the fact that I had so much "wisdom" inside of me. I'm quiet at first, and because God is working in me with the confidence factor I sometimes come off as a "weak" Christian. It bothered me that I could possibly come off like that so that is where my pride lay. During corporate exercise I really was the weak one. This area of my life has always been a weakness. It bothered me when certain people would try to encourage me to go faster or keep going. A pride issue. I would have thoughts like, "Man, if they knew...I hate that people are encouraging me because I'm weak. I don't want them to think of me as the weak one." But God has been teaching me that I do need people to encourage me. We all have areas where we are strong and areas where we need work. Everyone was so surprised at me when I finished, and even throughout the whole experience. I know all of them thought I would quit. They told me that I had inner strength that they didn't know I had. All for God's Glory by the way! But it taught me something. It taught me that we all have areas of weakness and areas of strength. That's why we are there to strengthen each other in our weaknesses.
I had been thinking for the longest time that my physical weakness is just something that I would always have. But through this God was teaching me that every area can be strong. Yes, it may take some time, but every area of my life can be strong. His power is made perfect in our weakness. We don't have to live with that weakness. No, I may never be a runner in thousands of marathons and no I may never run to compete, but to say that it will always be a weakness and to live like it just is and there is nothing I can do about it, is crazy. I'm learning that we tend to live like God gave us these weaknesses, or that God gave us these diseases or sickness. But God is not a God of disease or weakness or sickness. So of course He wants to be made perfect in our weaknesses! So start living in the victory that WILL come! :)
God is continuing His work in me. He will never start a work in us that He won't see until completion. So I keep having a heart ready to be molded and refined. I am just amazed at all I am being taught as I'm in this moment of preparation. I always joked that my life was one big time of waiting and preparation and possibly it was. But what if I were to die next week? Would I die thinking I was still in preparation? So I'm learning to live for now. He is teaching me confidence. I want to walk in confidence. I want to walk with purpose and love for others. I don't want to live and walk in fear of what others think of me or what's coming next. But I want to just be a joy to be around to everyone and obedient when God is telling me to do something.
Thank you all who have been praying for me. I have felt the prayers more times then you know! I'm sorry I've been so bad at updating, but life is so crazy here, I scarcely have time for myself! But it's so good, so so gooood! I'm currently trying to figure out how to go about doing fundraisers here. You can't do fundraisers 90 miles from the campus, it has to be more, so we don't bother the locals too much. So I have to figure out how to do it. But you can give plasma two times a week and you can end up making $60 a week so I have to figure out who is going to that.
Please just keep every one's financial situations in your prayers. Some Januarys had to go and take fundraising trips, which means that they are pretty close to having to go home if they don't raise their money. But God is faithful and He provides. Thank you all so much for everything! I love you all! :)
I only knew that I was not. I only knew that I was going into it without an inch of myself. I knew that God would be the only one that could get me through it. I was freaking out on the inside. And I know everyone could see it on my face. I got off of work at 8:00pm. We normally have what they call Freedom Services on Wednesday nights in the auditorium at 8:00 so I headed over there right after work. Everyone thought we would have the service then they would call us at midnight and it would start. Sadly, that wasn't the case. :P When we got in there, there was no band. poo. We all sat down in the chairs and a retired Navy Seal came up and started sharing. It was really great but ended far too soon. Then Heath Stoner came up and said that we had 20 minutes to go back to our dorms, change, and meet back at the Anvil. It was go time.
Fast forward. I'm sitting here in LD with 78 ant bites on each leg, feet swollen like a pregnant lady, and all the while feeling totally accomplished in Christ. I'm a different person. ESOAL was hard. ESOAL was mentally breaking. ESOAL taught me to humble myself and taught me the meaning of people lifting you up when you can't. It taught me the power of perseverance. It taught me that when I can't HE CAN. It taught me the power of the mind. It taught me the power of Unity. It taught me the insignificance of my sufferings in comparison to Christ. It taught me to worship when I didn't want to. It taught me how to react when people are screaming in your face that you are weak. It taught me how much strength I had. It taught me that it was ok to cry in front of people. It taught me to lose the fear of man (baha, because we all smelled pretty amazing, let me tell you :P) Most importantly, it taught me the power that Christ HAS given me.
It rained the first couple days of ESOAL pretty much non stop. I learned to hate the rain. (haha, just kidding but seriously.) The first night we had to sleep on the Anvil without a sleeping bag curled up next to each other in the rain. My aunt actually told my cousin and I that she woke up in the middle of the night with our faces in her mind with our helmets in the rain cold (though I didn't see Sarah ever because she was in a different company then me). Very cool. We had about 2.7 inches of rain fall during ESOAL entirely. The rain eventually became routine.
The rain taught me that I could be completely miserable and still persevere. 50% of the ESOAL participants rung out during the first couple days. It was so easy to see friends ring out and start to think, "It won't be that bad if I rung out, I mean so many other people are." Our Major would constantly bribe us with things to ring us out...chocolate chip cookies, a bath at his house, less work. Every single time I would start to think those thoughts I would square up my face, stand at attention, look straight at the person in front of me and take those thoughts captive. I was actually taking thoughts captive! I was like, "Naw, God, this is for You...I can do this through you."
One of the breaking points that I reached was when Major Svtech called me to attention in front of him and told me that 60% of my Company named me as the weakest participant. (Go figure; during Corporate I struggled with 2 miles :P) He asked me if I was used to being that and I said, "Sir yes sir." (btw the only acceptable responses that you could say was, "Sir yes sir" "Sir no sir" Sir I don't understand sir" or "Sir no excuse sir" unless you were given permission to speak freely) He asked me why I wanted to do ESOAL. I said because I wanted to get past the limitations I put on myself. To that he said, "So it's all about you then?" And I said, "Sir no sir." And he said, "So do you care about your company?" And me being the smart one that I am accidentally said, "Sir no sir." So I had to stand in front of everyone and say in the microphone that I didn't care about my company. Then I had to go to every single person and look at them square in the face and eyes and say, "I don't care about you." That broke me. Because in all honesty, I really did care about them but I think God was opening up my eyes to set the pace to say, "Hey this is not all about you. Lean on them yes, but let them lean on you too." That set the pace for me. Oh, and then I had to stand in the back and listen to them chant, "118 (that was my number and you couldn't say any number higher then 10 so it was 1-1-8) please care about me." over and over and over. It was breaking. Though I had one of my brothers, who was our second lieutenant, stand behind me and say, "I believe you care about me" over and over again and that touched me.
You might read that up there and think, man that's cruel, but naw, not really. Not when you think of the world and what it's going to do to you. I'd rather be emotionally broken time and time again then not be ready for what the world may throw at me.
It taught me how to overcome pain and still keep going. One afternoon we had to go out on a trail in the back forty and lay down on it feet to helmet on either side of the road while it was raining. I eventually fell asleep but woke up in excruciating pain. My right let was cramping up really bad because it was shivering. I couldn't walk on it and people had to hold me to go down. Then that night we got some sleep in our sleeping bags in the rain again, but this time I woke up screaming. My leg was in INTENSE pain and I couldn't move it. Hannah, a friend, and another facilitator came around to help me. They helped me up but I couldn't move it at all. It was around 4:30 in the morning (which was cool because later on my mom told me that that night she woke up at about 3:30 and started praying for me on her knees) Praise God! :) and they were starting the fires because we were getting ready to do "Sleep, no sleep" fun. :) That's where you wake up, run to the ice baths, get in for 20 seconds, get out, wait with your platoon, then run to the fire, circle around it, then jump into your sleeping bag and sleep for 15 minutes. Then they wake you up and you have to do it all over again. It was great fun, let me tell you. :D
But all that being said, it taught me to look pain square in the face and say, "No, you are not going to defeat me. I will not ring out and I will not quit. I will see this valley through. I am not going to quit going up this mountain. My God is so much bigger than that." Even after ESOAL I would experience little things that were discouraging and I would stop myself and be like, "Hey, how am I going to respond to this? I mean, I got through ESOAL for goodness sake! Can I not persevere through more?" I'm learning that there is great power in your mindset. 80% of everything you do is from the mind. So if you go into things with the wrong mindset, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Life is like this giant mountain. As we go through life we have to climb. And there are times when it just feels like a breeze and the altitude isn't getting to us in the least bit and it almost feels like a nice stroll. But then there are times when it gets really hard. You begin to grow fatigued and you realize that you hadn't trained well enough or maybe you hadn't stretched enough before starting. Or you lost that stick that you had been using as a crutch and now you are on your own. And it gets hard. But the question is are you going to persevere and keep climbing or are you going to quit or camp? There was a message on this before. But it's becoming more real to me now. There are quitters who just give up. They face some bad things and then they just give up on the mountain, believing they can never do it. Then there are people who are campers, and most of the time the campers don't even realize they are camping. I was like that. They grow complacent. They get used to where they are. They grow used to their Christian walk and don't feel they need to grow more or climb more. Or the climb starts to become more uncomfortable so they say, "Ok, that's enough, break time." Then they build camp. And then there are the Climbers. They, through anything life throws at them, no matter the altitude or steepness of the climb, continue to persevere. They continue to trust in God and lean on Him through it. They take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. They push past the rain and the wind and even when they hurt so bad they scream, they don't give up. I'm learning to be a climber. I can't say I react as a climber in every situation, but I'm learning to be one.
We don't always have to go up the mountain alone either. ESOAL taught me how to lean on other people and how to encourage other people more. I had to learn how to humble myself enough to let people help me. When I got here I had a pride issue. I didn't even realize it at first. But it was there on the inside, when people would not understand where I came from and the fact that I had so much "wisdom" inside of me. I'm quiet at first, and because God is working in me with the confidence factor I sometimes come off as a "weak" Christian. It bothered me that I could possibly come off like that so that is where my pride lay. During corporate exercise I really was the weak one. This area of my life has always been a weakness. It bothered me when certain people would try to encourage me to go faster or keep going. A pride issue. I would have thoughts like, "Man, if they knew...I hate that people are encouraging me because I'm weak. I don't want them to think of me as the weak one." But God has been teaching me that I do need people to encourage me. We all have areas where we are strong and areas where we need work. Everyone was so surprised at me when I finished, and even throughout the whole experience. I know all of them thought I would quit. They told me that I had inner strength that they didn't know I had. All for God's Glory by the way! But it taught me something. It taught me that we all have areas of weakness and areas of strength. That's why we are there to strengthen each other in our weaknesses.
I had been thinking for the longest time that my physical weakness is just something that I would always have. But through this God was teaching me that every area can be strong. Yes, it may take some time, but every area of my life can be strong. His power is made perfect in our weakness. We don't have to live with that weakness. No, I may never be a runner in thousands of marathons and no I may never run to compete, but to say that it will always be a weakness and to live like it just is and there is nothing I can do about it, is crazy. I'm learning that we tend to live like God gave us these weaknesses, or that God gave us these diseases or sickness. But God is not a God of disease or weakness or sickness. So of course He wants to be made perfect in our weaknesses! So start living in the victory that WILL come! :)
God is continuing His work in me. He will never start a work in us that He won't see until completion. So I keep having a heart ready to be molded and refined. I am just amazed at all I am being taught as I'm in this moment of preparation. I always joked that my life was one big time of waiting and preparation and possibly it was. But what if I were to die next week? Would I die thinking I was still in preparation? So I'm learning to live for now. He is teaching me confidence. I want to walk in confidence. I want to walk with purpose and love for others. I don't want to live and walk in fear of what others think of me or what's coming next. But I want to just be a joy to be around to everyone and obedient when God is telling me to do something.
Thank you all who have been praying for me. I have felt the prayers more times then you know! I'm sorry I've been so bad at updating, but life is so crazy here, I scarcely have time for myself! But it's so good, so so gooood! I'm currently trying to figure out how to go about doing fundraisers here. You can't do fundraisers 90 miles from the campus, it has to be more, so we don't bother the locals too much. So I have to figure out how to do it. But you can give plasma two times a week and you can end up making $60 a week so I have to figure out who is going to that.
Please just keep every one's financial situations in your prayers. Some Januarys had to go and take fundraising trips, which means that they are pretty close to having to go home if they don't raise their money. But God is faithful and He provides. Thank you all so much for everything! I love you all! :)
Monday, September 7, 2009
Getting into the swing of things
I don't have too much time to give an update but with the time I do have I'll try to fill you all in :)
I cannot believe it has been...3 weeks that I've been here? Sometime like that? It has been the longest yet quickest weeks of my life. I feel like I've been here for months and yet it's going by so fast. Our days have been packed so entirely full...it's just amazing. I didn't realize you could do so much in a day! :D Now that we're getting into the swing of things our days look like this: Corporate excercise in the morning at 5:00, breakfast/showers, classes from 8 till about 11 depending on how many you are taking (I'm taking all of them..hey, if I'm here why not be completely challenged, right?!?!) Then mandatory quiet time from 11:00-12:00, then lunch, then ministry placement from 1:00-9:00, then sleep. Then doing it again. :)
My ministry placement is in Global Expeditions Opperations. I'm in Leadership Development. I like it because it's a smaller group..about 10 of us all together including the Supervisors. It's pretty challenging for me because we have to call leaders and tell them about the Seminars that Global Expeditions has for all that are interested in being leaders on Global Expedition trips...and even if they want to do mission trips by themselves it's a great leadership seminar to teach how to put them together. So yeah, I'm nervous about talking with youth pastors and pastors and people like that because my communication skills are...well, yall know. :P Sometimes it's hard for me to have a conversation with just one person that I know, baha, let alone someone I don't know. But God is made perfect in my weaknesses, right? Right. :)
I wish I had more time to write, but I don't have much more time.
I'll try to write a little bit each day...maybe that way I'll get more out.
Thank you for the prayers! God is really working on me...it's breath-taking yet so so hard. He's clearing out the impurities until I am His and only His. My mind is being tested and I'm learning that I have so much to work on with God having to do with the limitations I have put on me from the past and my mind over my flesh. I am so thankful to be here...this is where I am supposed to be.
I cannot believe it has been...3 weeks that I've been here? Sometime like that? It has been the longest yet quickest weeks of my life. I feel like I've been here for months and yet it's going by so fast. Our days have been packed so entirely full...it's just amazing. I didn't realize you could do so much in a day! :D Now that we're getting into the swing of things our days look like this: Corporate excercise in the morning at 5:00, breakfast/showers, classes from 8 till about 11 depending on how many you are taking (I'm taking all of them..hey, if I'm here why not be completely challenged, right?!?!) Then mandatory quiet time from 11:00-12:00, then lunch, then ministry placement from 1:00-9:00, then sleep. Then doing it again. :)
My ministry placement is in Global Expeditions Opperations. I'm in Leadership Development. I like it because it's a smaller group..about 10 of us all together including the Supervisors. It's pretty challenging for me because we have to call leaders and tell them about the Seminars that Global Expeditions has for all that are interested in being leaders on Global Expedition trips...and even if they want to do mission trips by themselves it's a great leadership seminar to teach how to put them together. So yeah, I'm nervous about talking with youth pastors and pastors and people like that because my communication skills are...well, yall know. :P Sometimes it's hard for me to have a conversation with just one person that I know, baha, let alone someone I don't know. But God is made perfect in my weaknesses, right? Right. :)
I wish I had more time to write, but I don't have much more time.
I'll try to write a little bit each day...maybe that way I'll get more out.
Thank you for the prayers! God is really working on me...it's breath-taking yet so so hard. He's clearing out the impurities until I am His and only His. My mind is being tested and I'm learning that I have so much to work on with God having to do with the limitations I have put on me from the past and my mind over my flesh. I am so thankful to be here...this is where I am supposed to be.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Purposeful direction that's asking for wisdom-filled discernment
So after Sunday night, I have more purpose in what I am praying for in the months to come (if you don't know what I'm talking about, read my other blog.) And not necessarily more purpose, but directed purpose. Of course, I'm not positive that I will be going into full-time missions one day...I hope, but all I can really do is give it to the Lord and allow Him to direct my paths.
What I do know is that there is a reason why I didn't feel led to go on with the Wilmington Plan and pursue writing. Before Sunday night I had almost pushed the idea of missions into the ground, and I had started thinking about stuff I could possibly do as a job in the good ol' US of A. But I couldn't think of anything. I've always loved writing...but I just never felt completely good...or when I did, it was just kinda like okay, so now what? (That sentence made little to no sense but oh well.) Teaching...ehh, if I can't explain myself to two people, how am I going to do it with a group of 20 little kids (I would ONLY ever do little kids :D)? So that was a no. I've never felt like pursuing anything...there was time when I was obsessed with photography and I would take pictures of everything...ever since I was in elementary school...and I loved traveling and animals...so I wanted to travel around the world and take pictures of animals...haha, great dream job, right? :D but then, I realized I've grown to think animals smell and I still love taking pictures but I'll leave it for the professionals as a career. Then there was my grandma who always wanting me to follow in her footsteps and be a nurse, but the sight of blood makes me sick and I hate even the SLIGHTEST talk of broken anything or anything in the body being out of place. So that was a flat out no. All that was left were my passions...for travel and my heart for other cultures and the people of those cultures.
Over this year, I must go on a mission trip, and I plan on doing just that. I want to go to Thailand, I crave it. The thirst is running through my veins...the thirst for another country, more so then even Thailand. I'm just directing that thirst towards Thailand because that's where I have always felt. And of course, I feel compassion for Africa...so much compassion...but Thailand...I don't know...there must be some reason why God placed that in my little 12 year old (12, right? idk, ATF with Grits... :P) heart. If that's where God provides, and money willing (I hate money, I really do.) that's where I'll go next summer.
So that's what I mean by purposefully directed. I want to learn my face off and absorb and be a sponge and discern if that is the path I am supposed to go down...and if college is right for me (I pray my dad never reads this...he'll have a heart attack) which it probably is, but exactly what college and for what (If I'm not supposed to major in Writing I would still like to minor in it). I'm getting excited, though more and more nervous!
Update Wise:
What I do know is that there is a reason why I didn't feel led to go on with the Wilmington Plan and pursue writing. Before Sunday night I had almost pushed the idea of missions into the ground, and I had started thinking about stuff I could possibly do as a job in the good ol' US of A. But I couldn't think of anything. I've always loved writing...but I just never felt completely good...or when I did, it was just kinda like okay, so now what? (That sentence made little to no sense but oh well.) Teaching...ehh, if I can't explain myself to two people, how am I going to do it with a group of 20 little kids (I would ONLY ever do little kids :D)? So that was a no. I've never felt like pursuing anything...there was time when I was obsessed with photography and I would take pictures of everything...ever since I was in elementary school...and I loved traveling and animals...so I wanted to travel around the world and take pictures of animals...haha, great dream job, right? :D but then, I realized I've grown to think animals smell and I still love taking pictures but I'll leave it for the professionals as a career. Then there was my grandma who always wanting me to follow in her footsteps and be a nurse, but the sight of blood makes me sick and I hate even the SLIGHTEST talk of broken anything or anything in the body being out of place. So that was a flat out no. All that was left were my passions...for travel and my heart for other cultures and the people of those cultures.
Over this year, I must go on a mission trip, and I plan on doing just that. I want to go to Thailand, I crave it. The thirst is running through my veins...the thirst for another country, more so then even Thailand. I'm just directing that thirst towards Thailand because that's where I have always felt. And of course, I feel compassion for Africa...so much compassion...but Thailand...I don't know...there must be some reason why God placed that in my little 12 year old (12, right? idk, ATF with Grits... :P) heart. If that's where God provides, and money willing (I hate money, I really do.) that's where I'll go next summer.
So that's what I mean by purposefully directed. I want to learn my face off and absorb and be a sponge and discern if that is the path I am supposed to go down...and if college is right for me (I pray my dad never reads this...he'll have a heart attack) which it probably is, but exactly what college and for what (If I'm not supposed to major in Writing I would still like to minor in it). I'm getting excited, though more and more nervous!
Update Wise:
- I am having a Car Wash on Saturday, August 1 at Lowes Food
- Spaghetti Dinner on Friday, August 7 at New Beginnings Church on 42 right before Rainbow Lanes. It is $5 a plate and tickets must be pre-ordered so we'll know how much to make. I'd really appreciate it if you can come out or spread the word!
- I am still roughly at the same amount of money that I was a couple weeks ago, which scares my dad. But God provides.
- I'm going to call the Honor Academy when I get off of here to ask them more in dept on how much they raised coming into it and how easy/hard it is to raise money on the weekends once you're down there. I need to step it up more. Thank you all soooo much for all the support (though I don't really know who reads this, haha, if any really know about it.). :
- And hey! I just found out Bethany Dillon lives in Dallas! Ha! Maybe I'll meet her! :P
But that is all from me on my end. Reading Daniel currently...pretty sweet! :)
Friday, July 3, 2009
An e-mail from somone who has been through the HA
Hi Amanda,
Alicia Moore sent me your email address sharing that you were considering the Honor Academy sometime in the near future. I went in 2000 and my brother went in 2001. We both really grew in our walk with the Lord while there. I really fought going and was not excited about it (although I am usually like that about things I know are God speaking but I don’t want to do J). I finally conceded to the Lord and went in August. I knew that a lot of interns were placed in the call center to talk to people about going to Acquire the Fire or Missions trips and the thought of calling people scared me! But when I got there, God was gracious and placed me in a job I really enjoyed helping teenagers get their visas/passports together for the trips.
So, the year will be filled with all kinds of challenges. You will share a room with probably 5 other girls and be a part of a CORE (about 12-18 girls with a mentor) and will share a lot and have TONS of fun together… but will share conflicts too! Since you have limited living space, its easy to get on each other’s nerves. However, you will also really bond together (pray for that) and my CORE and I still keep in touch with each other’s lives to this day.
They will find a job placement for you (they look at your likes/dislikes/skills, ect) and you will work within the ministry… which I really enjoyed a lot.
You will also have required classes to attend on leadership, values, character, and all kinds of things. The y have guests come in from all over the world.
You will be challenged physically… everyone is required to physically exercise throughout the week… and they will set some boundaries/rules that are a bit difficult to follow at times (in rooms at certain hours, no dating relationships, no tv, ect).
If you are looking for the experience to “change” you into a magically godly Christian… it won’t. You will only see as much change as you allow the Lord to work in your life both before you go, while there, and after you get out. But, God REALLY used the program to build character in me and taught me a lot. He also really made it more clear His purpose and destiny for my life.
If you have any specific questions, I would love to share more. Your parents can also write me and I will answer to the best of my ability.
I pray you will know what God has for you and can rest that if it’s Him, He will work EVERY detail out for you!
Blessings!
then what I said -
Aw, thanks soo much! :) I have decided on going to the Honor Academy in August. I'ts really crazy to think that I will be sooo far away from home in such a short amount of time...but I'm excited! I think I just got an e-mail from your brother today (funny, because this is the first day in forever that i've checked my e-mail!) Another girl from my church is going and so is my cousin! It's soo weird because i was at a connect group with this girl from my church and i was sharing with everyone another door that was opening in my life and I shared about the Honor Academy . She flipped out because just that weekend she had gone to an Aquire the Fire and was really interested in it. It was just so cool to see God work in even that. Then my cousin was interested after i talked about it...and she was in a place where she just wasn't sure about her future..and so she decided to do it!
How much running is there? lol...I'm starting to run now so I'm not in horrible horrible shape when i get there. But I am excited. I know it's going to be extremely out of my comfort zone but my parents always knew i loved to travel...and I'm just so excited about how strategic everything is showing itself to be.
I'm currently trying to raise more money...I'm not really sure why, but Walmart won't let me do any kind of fundraiser because me going to the Honor Academy isn't "helping the community". ah, but that's okay. God is really teaching me through this proccess that He always provides...it's really growing my faith.
But yeah, I'd love to hear more about the Honor Academy ! And I think it's really cool how you ended that with "working EVERY detail out" :)
then what she wrote back
Glad to hear back from you and glad that the Lord has given you desire and excitement in going…
About running… you start by running a mile each morning.. at like 5:30 ( I think… can’t remember exact time J) with everyone. They eventually add more to make it 2 miles. I’m not sure if they still go to Pike’s Peak in September, but if so, they like to help get your body more ready to climb. After the Peak climb, then we still had to exercise 4x a week for at least 20 minutes and it could be either running, fast walking, or something similar. Since I hate running, I chose the walking J but I learned that running wasn’t as hard as I had thought.
I remember the money thing was difficult.. but God was so faithful. They allowed us to pay a good portion upfront and then pay as we went along. The sad thing however, was that some people really had to struggle during their year to get up the money (like on their breaks) and some couldn’t complete their year because of finances. So, I pray that you won’t have to do that. When I went to Africa 2 years ago, I asked the Lord to please provide every dime before I went and that I wouldn’t have to empty my savings to go and he did (I had to quit my job) but he provided more than I needed and when I came back I had almost the same money in the bank as when I left and the Lord gave me back my job when I returned. So, don’t be afraid to ask the Lord to provide in certain ways… He will do it in His timing and in a way that will most likely stretch your faith, but he is also attentive to our petitions.
So, let’s see what else I can think of… depending on what department they place you in…there will be certain times that will be HIGH stress times… especially in the summer if you work in Missions or at the time near the ATF you are calling others about. One thing I really encourage you is DON”T stop getting alone with Jesus in those times… the ministry has a lot of really cool land in the back that you can go to be alone and pray. It is easy to get really busy “serving Jesus” there, but don’t let that distract you from completely focusing on Him.
One of the hardest things can be the ban on guy/girl dating relationships… it is easy at first, but especially as you begin to work close with guys, it is easy to develop feelings. So, I just encourage you to really guard your heart… have tons of fun, but don’t place yourself in situations where it would be easy to develop more feelings. I knew too many people who were sent home on account of this and it was always very sad.
Another thing is it is easy to try and build friendships with those outside your CORE (small group you live with), but I would encourage you to spend as much time getting to know them and building Godly friendships with them…. They will be there for you in the tough times and will most likely be the ones you keep up with later.
Well, I hope that helps a bit more. Have a wonderful day!
Alicia Moore sent me your email address sharing that you were considering the Honor Academy sometime in the near future. I went in 2000 and my brother went in 2001. We both really grew in our walk with the Lord while there. I really fought going and was not excited about it (although I am usually like that about things I know are God speaking but I don’t want to do J). I finally conceded to the Lord and went in August. I knew that a lot of interns were placed in the call center to talk to people about going to Acquire the Fire or Missions trips and the thought of calling people scared me! But when I got there, God was gracious and placed me in a job I really enjoyed helping teenagers get their visas/passports together for the trips.
So, the year will be filled with all kinds of challenges. You will share a room with probably 5 other girls and be a part of a CORE (about 12-18 girls with a mentor) and will share a lot and have TONS of fun together… but will share conflicts too! Since you have limited living space, its easy to get on each other’s nerves. However, you will also really bond together (pray for that) and my CORE and I still keep in touch with each other’s lives to this day.
They will find a job placement for you (they look at your likes/dislikes/skills, ect) and you will work within the ministry… which I really enjoyed a lot.
You will also have required classes to attend on leadership, values, character, and all kinds of things. The y have guests come in from all over the world.
You will be challenged physically… everyone is required to physically exercise throughout the week… and they will set some boundaries/rules that are a bit difficult to follow at times (in rooms at certain hours, no dating relationships, no tv, ect).
If you are looking for the experience to “change” you into a magically godly Christian… it won’t. You will only see as much change as you allow the Lord to work in your life both before you go, while there, and after you get out. But, God REALLY used the program to build character in me and taught me a lot. He also really made it more clear His purpose and destiny for my life.
If you have any specific questions, I would love to share more. Your parents can also write me and I will answer to the best of my ability.
I pray you will know what God has for you and can rest that if it’s Him, He will work EVERY detail out for you!
Blessings!
then what I said -
Aw, thanks soo much! :) I have decided on going to the Honor Academy in August. I'ts really crazy to think that I will be sooo far away from home in such a short amount of time...but I'm excited! I think I just got an e-mail from your brother today (funny, because this is the first day in forever that i've checked my e-mail!) Another girl from my church is going and so is my cousin! It's soo weird because i was at a connect group with this girl from my church and i was sharing with everyone another door that was opening in my life and I shared about the Honor Academy . She flipped out because just that weekend she had gone to an Aquire the Fire and was really interested in it. It was just so cool to see God work in even that. Then my cousin was interested after i talked about it...and she was in a place where she just wasn't sure about her future..and so she decided to do it!
How much running is there? lol...I'm starting to run now so I'm not in horrible horrible shape when i get there. But I am excited. I know it's going to be extremely out of my comfort zone but my parents always knew i loved to travel...and I'm just so excited about how strategic everything is showing itself to be.
I'm currently trying to raise more money...I'm not really sure why, but Walmart won't let me do any kind of fundraiser because me going to the Honor Academy isn't "helping the community". ah, but that's okay. God is really teaching me through this proccess that He always provides...it's really growing my faith.
But yeah, I'd love to hear more about the Honor Academy ! And I think it's really cool how you ended that with "working EVERY detail out" :)
then what she wrote back
Glad to hear back from you and glad that the Lord has given you desire and excitement in going…
About running… you start by running a mile each morning.. at like 5:30 ( I think… can’t remember exact time J) with everyone. They eventually add more to make it 2 miles. I’m not sure if they still go to Pike’s Peak in September, but if so, they like to help get your body more ready to climb. After the Peak climb, then we still had to exercise 4x a week for at least 20 minutes and it could be either running, fast walking, or something similar. Since I hate running, I chose the walking J but I learned that running wasn’t as hard as I had thought.
I remember the money thing was difficult.. but God was so faithful. They allowed us to pay a good portion upfront and then pay as we went along. The sad thing however, was that some people really had to struggle during their year to get up the money (like on their breaks) and some couldn’t complete their year because of finances. So, I pray that you won’t have to do that. When I went to Africa 2 years ago, I asked the Lord to please provide every dime before I went and that I wouldn’t have to empty my savings to go and he did (I had to quit my job) but he provided more than I needed and when I came back I had almost the same money in the bank as when I left and the Lord gave me back my job when I returned. So, don’t be afraid to ask the Lord to provide in certain ways… He will do it in His timing and in a way that will most likely stretch your faith, but he is also attentive to our petitions.
So, let’s see what else I can think of… depending on what department they place you in…there will be certain times that will be HIGH stress times… especially in the summer if you work in Missions or at the time near the ATF you are calling others about. One thing I really encourage you is DON”T stop getting alone with Jesus in those times… the ministry has a lot of really cool land in the back that you can go to be alone and pray. It is easy to get really busy “serving Jesus” there, but don’t let that distract you from completely focusing on Him.
One of the hardest things can be the ban on guy/girl dating relationships… it is easy at first, but especially as you begin to work close with guys, it is easy to develop feelings. So, I just encourage you to really guard your heart… have tons of fun, but don’t place yourself in situations where it would be easy to develop more feelings. I knew too many people who were sent home on account of this and it was always very sad.
Another thing is it is easy to try and build friendships with those outside your CORE (small group you live with), but I would encourage you to spend as much time getting to know them and building Godly friendships with them…. They will be there for you in the tough times and will most likely be the ones you keep up with later.
Well, I hope that helps a bit more. Have a wonderful day!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Update numero dos
So, it is July and I have about 44 days before I am in the state of Texas for the first time. Woah, buddy. I'm extremely excited and yet overwhelmingly nervous. It's so crazy how time is going by. Sometimes I want to freeze it and just pause for a moment to enjoy where I am right now. God is teaching me to live in the moments and not to waste my days away thinking and worrying and processing about the future, but to just do and live.
Sarah, my HA director, called me today. She said I have $2440 in my account as of now. That is not counting the money I have received from graduation, but I think I'm going to use most of that for my personal expenses through out the year. They said you should have between $50-$100 per month for personal expenses.
Currently I have done a yard sale and sent out letters to get to my goal. Future plans: I am going to have a Premier Jewelry Party on July 9th so I'm stoked about that. A spaghetti dinner is underway which I am equally stoked about. I have been trying to get a car wash going at either Walmart or Lowes. Walmart shut it's door on me today saying that they don't do those for individuals and that I'm not helping the community. psh! haha. I keep playing one-sided phone tag with the guy from Lowes Food. haha, one-sided meaning I keep trying to call him and he is never there. :P BUT the store told me he was going to be there tomorrow morning so I'm going to head over there in the AM to see what's up. If not, I will go to Eckerd or Walgreens or Clayton High School if necessary! haha.
But in all that, God is teaching me to be more faithful to Him. I checked my e-mail for the first time in forever today and found two e-mails from those that have been through the Honor Academy that live in Raleigh! They got my name from Alicia Moore who I had been talking to about it. It was extremely encouraging and real. A little while after I got off the phone with Walmart with the bad news, Sarah, my HA director, called and was encouraging. I asked her how much I had and she told me and it was enough to get in, in August. It was just like God was saying, "Hey, I'm going to supply all of your needs. I have you."
I've been thinking about Proverbs 16:3 a lot. Sometimes I have doubts that I made the right choice...and I don't think that's a bad thing exactly because in the back of my mind I know this is right. But I don't think it's the Only right thing. I believe that God would have blessed it either way. I believe that unless I had totally turned my back on God I would stay in His will. Though I do believe God led me down this path..through those little acts of obediance like looking on the computer for Sarah and falling in love with it. That's why I'm glad I made this choice. It feels completely thrilling trusting in God to fill my needs like this.
I know that this step is going to be an extreme growing experience. I know that it won't be a "magical" growing experience however. It's not just going to magically transform into something amazing...it's going to be tough. And it's going to be life: a life waking up at 5:00 in the morning on work-out days to run, a life with 5 other girls who I have to get along with and share things with, a life away from my home, a life away from everyone that I've known for so long and who I care about. It's going to be tough but it's going to be amazing. Because God is orchestrating it. Thank You.
I am making a commitment to discipline myself. I am going to limit the time I spend on the computer...I know, silly that I have to do that, but I really am not that disciplined. I am going to start running so I can start getting in shape and not completely DIE when I get to Texas (the pain I felt after running in the mornings at the beach was a preview of how I'm going to feel if I don't start shaping up). I'm going to work on having more of a Servant's heart towards my family especially. I don't show how thankful I am for them near enough.
I'm asking that you keep me accountable about this. :) I need it. aha.
Thank you all for all of your prayer and support! Yall are awesome! :)
Sarah, my HA director, called me today. She said I have $2440 in my account as of now. That is not counting the money I have received from graduation, but I think I'm going to use most of that for my personal expenses through out the year. They said you should have between $50-$100 per month for personal expenses.
Currently I have done a yard sale and sent out letters to get to my goal. Future plans: I am going to have a Premier Jewelry Party on July 9th so I'm stoked about that. A spaghetti dinner is underway which I am equally stoked about. I have been trying to get a car wash going at either Walmart or Lowes. Walmart shut it's door on me today saying that they don't do those for individuals and that I'm not helping the community. psh! haha. I keep playing one-sided phone tag with the guy from Lowes Food. haha, one-sided meaning I keep trying to call him and he is never there. :P BUT the store told me he was going to be there tomorrow morning so I'm going to head over there in the AM to see what's up. If not, I will go to Eckerd or Walgreens or Clayton High School if necessary! haha.
But in all that, God is teaching me to be more faithful to Him. I checked my e-mail for the first time in forever today and found two e-mails from those that have been through the Honor Academy that live in Raleigh! They got my name from Alicia Moore who I had been talking to about it. It was extremely encouraging and real. A little while after I got off the phone with Walmart with the bad news, Sarah, my HA director, called and was encouraging. I asked her how much I had and she told me and it was enough to get in, in August. It was just like God was saying, "Hey, I'm going to supply all of your needs. I have you."
I've been thinking about Proverbs 16:3 a lot. Sometimes I have doubts that I made the right choice...and I don't think that's a bad thing exactly because in the back of my mind I know this is right. But I don't think it's the Only right thing. I believe that God would have blessed it either way. I believe that unless I had totally turned my back on God I would stay in His will. Though I do believe God led me down this path..through those little acts of obediance like looking on the computer for Sarah and falling in love with it. That's why I'm glad I made this choice. It feels completely thrilling trusting in God to fill my needs like this.
I know that this step is going to be an extreme growing experience. I know that it won't be a "magical" growing experience however. It's not just going to magically transform into something amazing...it's going to be tough. And it's going to be life: a life waking up at 5:00 in the morning on work-out days to run, a life with 5 other girls who I have to get along with and share things with, a life away from my home, a life away from everyone that I've known for so long and who I care about. It's going to be tough but it's going to be amazing. Because God is orchestrating it. Thank You.
I am making a commitment to discipline myself. I am going to limit the time I spend on the computer...I know, silly that I have to do that, but I really am not that disciplined. I am going to start running so I can start getting in shape and not completely DIE when I get to Texas (the pain I felt after running in the mornings at the beach was a preview of how I'm going to feel if I don't start shaping up). I'm going to work on having more of a Servant's heart towards my family especially. I don't show how thankful I am for them near enough.
I'm asking that you keep me accountable about this. :) I need it. aha.
Thank you all for all of your prayer and support! Yall are awesome! :)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The Start of Something Special
Hey all. :) I started this blog so everyone could follow my journey as I embark on a new adventure! I can't believe this! I truly can't as I sit here and realize that I will be in Texas: a state I have never been to before and a state I never thought I'd go to! And I'll be there in a little more than two months!! wow! I chuckle because my mind goes back to a couple of years ago. We were in the room designated for the Prayer Team one Sunday night and Christal was telling us how she felt led to go to this thing called The Forge in Tyler, Texas. I was like, "You're crazy: Texas?!?!?!" in my head, but I was excited for her. Then I remember following her 8-month journey and hearing the stories after those 8 months, thinking, "Wow, good for her! That sounds like an amazing experience." I never thought that, I myself, would be going to Texas! (We're actually going to be running 3+ miles in Tyler, Texas while I'm down there!)
So, wow. I'm totally thrilled for this next step in my life. God is blowing me away with how He is showing up. I am sooo blessed to have the people that I have around me: all this love brought forth all because of the love of Christ. I really am blessed. Most people can't say that they have this much support around them and this much love flowing to them. As most of you know, my goal that I had to meet on June 1 was $1100. I now have $1910! That is not including what is in my account right now, as I know some people said they were putting the money in online. I am just honestly so touched at the generosity and support that is coming at me. My next goal is by July 1 where I will need another $1100. I am well on my way already to reaching that goal!
It's hard to start new, so so hard. I knew that in 5th grade as I moved down here from Pennsylvania: from a place where I had all of my family and all of their love and the emotions brought forth from a big family. I didn't want to move to a place where I didn't know anyone and I didn't want to leave all of the love and support I had there. But as I moved here and opened myself up: beautiful blessings have come from it. From fun neighborhood games to camps, working with the four year olds, skate parks, Big Daddy's Cafe & Java Joes, Ignite, Evolve, Epic, youth pastors, summer nights with friends, sleepovers, worship that rocked my face off, retreats, parties!, celebration, Christmas times, concerts, prayer that caused unity, beach trips, staying up till wee hours of the night in Starbucks parking lots, staying up till wee hours of the night talking, working with the 4th and 5th grade girls, sleepovers with those girls: being able to pour into them; pouring into people, people pouring into me, hackysackin', card games, Starbucks runs, all the rides people gave me :), car trips, getting to know people, amazing conversations, God moments, laughing till your face and gut hurt, brothers in Christ, sisters that have impacted you to no end, and people: young to old, that have truly, completely and utterly became like Family.
I am again going to know the feeling of not wanting to leave my family and the people I love come August. The relationships that I have now, the family that I have gained in these past 8 years have helped shape me. As I look back to who I was when I moved here to who I am now I am amazed. I just find myself thinking about all the people that I have made relationships with over the last 8 years, where they are now, how they are still like family, just thinking about how much family I truly have! This is going to make me start crying just typing this if I think about it too much. I am just so so blessed. But just as I realized that starting over isn't always a bad thing after moving here, I know that that is the way it's going to be at The Honor Academy. I'm excited for this next season of my life. I'm excited for making new memories in this next year and being shaped more into the Disciple that God has called me to be as He directs my paths and as I find out more and more who I am in Him and where and how He wants me to be.
I still have so much to do. My dad wants me to raise much more than the suggested price of $2400 come August because it will be hard to keep reaching different goals once I am there. I am currently working on fundraisers and trying to teach myself discipline (it's hard for me to get things started, especially when the first couple attempts are failures). But I will get there, because God provides. I thank you for being apart of my team and I ask for your prayers more than anything else. I'll be updating this as new financial and other personal goals are met. :)
So, wow. I'm totally thrilled for this next step in my life. God is blowing me away with how He is showing up. I am sooo blessed to have the people that I have around me: all this love brought forth all because of the love of Christ. I really am blessed. Most people can't say that they have this much support around them and this much love flowing to them. As most of you know, my goal that I had to meet on June 1 was $1100. I now have $1910! That is not including what is in my account right now, as I know some people said they were putting the money in online. I am just honestly so touched at the generosity and support that is coming at me. My next goal is by July 1 where I will need another $1100. I am well on my way already to reaching that goal!
It's hard to start new, so so hard. I knew that in 5th grade as I moved down here from Pennsylvania: from a place where I had all of my family and all of their love and the emotions brought forth from a big family. I didn't want to move to a place where I didn't know anyone and I didn't want to leave all of the love and support I had there. But as I moved here and opened myself up: beautiful blessings have come from it. From fun neighborhood games to camps, working with the four year olds, skate parks, Big Daddy's Cafe & Java Joes, Ignite, Evolve, Epic, youth pastors, summer nights with friends, sleepovers, worship that rocked my face off, retreats, parties!, celebration, Christmas times, concerts, prayer that caused unity, beach trips, staying up till wee hours of the night in Starbucks parking lots, staying up till wee hours of the night talking, working with the 4th and 5th grade girls, sleepovers with those girls: being able to pour into them; pouring into people, people pouring into me, hackysackin', card games, Starbucks runs, all the rides people gave me :), car trips, getting to know people, amazing conversations, God moments, laughing till your face and gut hurt, brothers in Christ, sisters that have impacted you to no end, and people: young to old, that have truly, completely and utterly became like Family.
I am again going to know the feeling of not wanting to leave my family and the people I love come August. The relationships that I have now, the family that I have gained in these past 8 years have helped shape me. As I look back to who I was when I moved here to who I am now I am amazed. I just find myself thinking about all the people that I have made relationships with over the last 8 years, where they are now, how they are still like family, just thinking about how much family I truly have! This is going to make me start crying just typing this if I think about it too much. I am just so so blessed. But just as I realized that starting over isn't always a bad thing after moving here, I know that that is the way it's going to be at The Honor Academy. I'm excited for this next season of my life. I'm excited for making new memories in this next year and being shaped more into the Disciple that God has called me to be as He directs my paths and as I find out more and more who I am in Him and where and how He wants me to be.
I still have so much to do. My dad wants me to raise much more than the suggested price of $2400 come August because it will be hard to keep reaching different goals once I am there. I am currently working on fundraisers and trying to teach myself discipline (it's hard for me to get things started, especially when the first couple attempts are failures). But I will get there, because God provides. I thank you for being apart of my team and I ask for your prayers more than anything else. I'll be updating this as new financial and other personal goals are met. :)
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